The following is a private e-mail sent to a female player in a Chill campaign I have been trying to run for about a year now. The biggest problem with the game is this person and yet, I have tried in vain to work around her. Unlike many of the self-proclaimed "geek girls" who have self-servingly stirred-up controversy over gender bias in the gaming and comic book communities over the last several months, this woman is a bonafide "Real" gamer chick, which just goes to prove that this is all misandry and little more.
I won't go into the whole thing because it would take a much longer post, but I do agree that there is some sexism in these communities and a lot of it is focused on women. Not all of it, though. One of the biggest problems is that a lot of females saw the emergence of "geek culture" into the mainstream as an easy way to become a big fish (ahem, not intended) in a small pond and, when it didn't work out that way, they decided to go on a moral crusade to "clean-up" the community. It never dawned on them that most of us "real geeks" did not welcome the mainstream and never wanted anything to do with it.
Also, I despise the word "geek;" we were called "nerds" and - not for nothing - also usually "fags." I'll settle for "nerd," thank you. I've been attending conventions and involved in the community since I was about eight years old - literally 30 years - and there were always women around. Notice how all this man-bashing only emerged when all of this became mainstream.
Comments for this post have been closed.
After some serious consideration, I no longer want to play with you
all and the blame lays squarely at [her] feet.
Since this game first began, you have tried to control it. You have
bullied and pressured and manipulated and, when you haven't gotten
your way, you have withdrawn and stalemated the entire process. You
did this numerous times and I tried my best to deal with it. The
result was that I have been running this game for months now AROUND
you. When it finally dawned on you that you were not going to get your
way despite your petulant behavior, you became antagonistic.
What you don't know about me (could fill a library) is that my best
friend is a woman in her mid-40s. My best friend before her was a
BLACK woman who is now in her 50s. Funny, huh? The problem isn't mine,
[Real Geek Girl]; it's YOU. It's been YOU all along and I've tried literally
everything to avoid confrontation, to avoid upsetting you, and it's
ruined the whole game and any friendship we might have had. Why the
fuck should I walk on eggshells around you anyway, you precious,
little snowflake? You hothouse flower.
And before you suggest that I'm being immature in my handling of this
situation, I'd like to point out that I've continually tried to work
this out with you and ease your overworked, self-righteous, self-
important mind time and again - and, when that didn't work, I have
literally worked AROUND you, again, to no avail. You talk over me,
interrupt me, and verbally abuse me at every point along the way.
That's a tell-tale sign that YOU know your point is weak, so you try
to prevent me from making mine. That's how that works. And, again,
when you don't get your way, you act like a petulant child -
terminating the conversation or sulking and passive-aggressively
sabotaging the game. This is the only way I can be assured that I am
heard without having to fight you tooth and nail to get in a word
edgewise, THEN defend myself against your twisting of everything I
say, inserting words in my mouth, and shouting me down.
Your hypocrisy knows no bounds and your continued bullying of me and
constant attacks on me are not only unwarranted but completely out of
line. I, for one, have gone far out of my way to avoid saying or doing
ANYthing that would set you off, yet time and again, you have derailed
my game to insert your idiotic political viewpoint into a FANTASY GAME
and "put me/us in my place." You put words in my mouth, continually
attempt to discredit me with snide and flawed "logic," and attack
without provocation. I've told you time and again, your politics have
no place in my game.
You've proudly boasted how you love to take ANY opportunity to create
"teachable moments" so I'm going to give you a taste of your own
medicine. It isn't going to make a difference to you but I figure why
not. In fact, you often talk in the Royal sense, positing yourself as
a spokesperson for your entire gender. What a delusional narcissist.
You are a misandristic manbasher of the lowest kind and I can provide
ample examples of this to illustrate and prove my point but your
behavior toward me the other night gave me a much better idea as to
how to handle it. To wit, I am going to "stand up for myself"
publicly, just like your idol Jennifer Livingston did, and post my
response online where everyone else can see just what kind of "person"
you really are. And guess what, I'm quite certain any supporters of
yours will threaten and harass me and send me death threats. They did
the same to Tony Harris when he spoke-out against the fake geek girls.
It goes both ways, as I've told you time and again yet that doesn't
fit your myopic worldview, so you go into a complete meltdown driven
solely by cognitive dissonance. I am far more of a "feminist" than you
will EVER be because I treat women as equals, not as inferior/superior
[I do not, have never, and will never identify as a Feminist nor do I support anything associated with that brand of fascism.]
I've given you - literally TOLD you - several options for handling the
ghoul that do not involve killing [the villain in the scenario], yet you insist that it's
a stalemate because you're pissed-off that his victims are female
prostitutes. THAT is what THAT is ALL about. Not for nothing, your
character's a misogynist; his "white knight syndrome" indicates that
he finds women so weak that HE, a MAN, has to dedicate his life to
You're just not that bright or informed and instead of discussing
things or handling them rationally in an adult fashion, you lash-out
and sulk like a child and I'm completely over it. I truly liked you
because I saw a lot of things in you with which I identified - you're
hurt, you're frustrated, you have chronic pain issues and are afraid
of the medicine you have to take just to get through the day, you love
Chill (that was really the most important thing here, as we were
SUPPOSED to be playing Chill but it came with a host of conditions YOU
prescribed) - but other things I THOUGHT I saw in you were simply
projection. You have no greater social conscience or concern; your
self-worth and self-esteem are so low that you've latched onto an
outdated and thoroughly discredited social movement by which you
You're just self-important, self-righteous, self-involved, and
selfish. Your "opinions," "beliefs," and "feelings" DO NOT trump fact,
despite the passion you have for them. Furthermore, they are no more
valid than mine - in fact, they have no merit whatsoever. You need to
get over yourself, educate yourself, and realize that the world is a
much bigger place filled with smarter and far more important people
than yourself. I don't think that's going to happen.
You owe me, and everyone else, a HUGE apology and I don't think it's
coming. Even if we got it, it would only be another insincere, self-
serving manipulation worth nothing. Find another whipping-post and get
off your fucking soapbox.
© C Harris Lynn, 2012