Meanwhile, in Adultland...

This is my somewhat lengthy response to Anonymous' Comment on my flame post a week back. I figure I waited long enough:

First of all, I am a great guy to hang out with, period. Let's just get that out on the groundfloor.

Secondly, notice how you phrased that? Not, "You're a great friend," but "You're a great guy to hang out with." So does that mean we were just hanging out, or we were hanging out? See, that's the way you play everything: you word it just right so when push comes to shove, you can spin the whole thing any which way you want and deflect responsibility onto someone else if you need to - you didn't actually say it, whoever questioned what you said misheard it; you didn't mean for it to be taken that way, whoever questioned it took it the wrong way; etc. That way, you can manipulate the situation however you please without ever taking responsibility for anything.

When you dragged me into those bars, you'd tell half the people there that we were "just hanging out" and the other half that we were "hanging out," so half the bar thought me a chump and the other half was jealous of me, and either which way, should something go down, you could play Little Miss Innocent and deny, deny, deny. "Well, I didn't know, I just said it, I just did it - they took it the wrong way and that's not my fault! I... fine! Screw you guys, I'm going home."

You say I didn't tell you any of this that night? Why should I have? I told you all of this at least 23497234092734 times over - you just had me on a "pay-no-mind" list because I wasn't buying into your bullshit; anyone who tells you anything you don't want to hear gets selectively muted. What would it have mattered, anyway? I told you all of this 2340972390474 times before and you still went out and did whatever the hell you wanted to.

And how's that working out for you, while we're on the subject?

In fact, that's why everyone who genuinely likes and cares about you stays at-odds with you: no matter what we say, you go and do whatever the hell you want, then play stupid when it plays out exactly the way we said it would, and come back around when you want us to cleanse your wounds. You take "advice" from people you claim you already know do not have your best intentions in mind, and when it blows up in your face, where are these people!? Right where you left them - not by your side, that's our job; they're still there when you go crawling back, aren't they? And you go crawling back every, single time; the only people you leave for good are those of us who won't let you do whatever the hell you want to without expecting you to face the consequences like a grown-up - the way the rest of us have to. After all, The Real World rules don't apply if you pretend not to know and understand them - right, Little Miss Innocent?

You want me to work up some kind of passion for you and chase you around the couch, but I already know how it's going to end, so why should I even bother? So you drop non-committal phrases like "hanging-out" to make me think it might turn out differently this time, so why don't I just try? After all, I'll never know if I don't try, right? And aren't you worth it? Yes, I guess you're right and yes, I guess you are, so I guess I'll -

OH! Shot down, again!

Yeah. Not so cute, bunny.

And while we're here, if the only way you can get someone to work up that level of passion for you is by making them jealous, then they aren't that interested in you, anyway. And if you love being objectified so much - being a "prize" for others to compete over and vie for - then why all the melancholy surrounding it? "I don't want to be someone's booty call" - well wtf do you think a grown man is calling and asking you to come over to do at 2:00 in the fricking morning!? And why isn't he calling you at any other time to do anything else!? You are just a booty call to some people - that's all you're worth to them - and don't make me out to be the bad guy for being honest about it; own it or quit it, but grow the hell up about it! If you really weren't okay with it, you wouldn't allow it; you dig being a booty call because it validates you sexually, the same way leading-on other guys does until that booty call comes through... plus, the guys who make booty calls to you don't bother buying you drinks all night long - they already know you'll give it up when they get ready for it.

And don't even lay the guilt-trip on me. What I said isn't "how I feel" in general or period; it's how I felt that night and I was completely justified: I felt that way because you manipulated the situation, and my emotions, to elicit that response! You intentionally provoked me to anger by trying to make me jealous of your boyfriend - who isn't really your boyfriend and "never" calls you 3-4 times a day, specifically after he's off work and you've put the kids to bed. I'm good enough to hang out with and siphon beer and cigarettes and ego-strokes off of until he gets ready to bang you.

Wow. Thanks. No really, glad I could be of service to you.

That's what pisses me off - not the sex thing (though we'll get to that) - the fact that you think so little of me that you think absolutely nothing of treating me like a disposable tool to be used and discarded at your leisure in order to get whatever you want whenever you want it, and that I'm so stupid and/or smitten that I'll just let it go when I confront you about it and you play dumb and feign ignorance as to how that makes any normal, emotionally healthy, young man logically feel.

This isn't highschool; this is The Real World. And in The Real World, people who get toyed with and played for fools don't always "just get over it" or "just let it go" - especially not when they've got a fifth of cheap whiskey in them. A friend of mine was just telling me how he and the other patrons at a bar he was at on Christmas day had to wrestle some disgruntled drunk to the floor and disarm him when he pulled a gun on the whole place after they asked him to leave. That's what happens in The Real World, sister, and it happens so often that it doesn't even make the news half the time.

The first night we went out, I learned you had gone out the night before on the river - alone - with a guy you just met a few days earlier in a bar. Some smartly-dressed young man tapped you on the shoulder and said hello and you dismissed him with a wave of your hand. A few days later, you tell me that was the guy! Turns out, your boyfriend (who's not really your boyfriend) found out about it and left you a nasty message - you just used this guy to make him jealous, the same way you did me!

Let me run this down for you as to how that night could have gone:

POLICEMAN: So, you met this guy at the bar and witnesses say you were sitting and dancing with him all night long while he bought you drinks. Then you left the bar with him and went out to a secluded place on the river - just the two of you - where you drank more booze that he provided... and then he raped you? Ma'am, please aim your breath that way, I'm smoking. Anyway, we'll look into it... (got what you deserved...)

Now, allow me to run it down as to how it could have gone for me at any point after you so casually dissed him:

POLICEMAN: So you never seen this guy before and he jest pulled a gun on you in the parking lot when you was leavin' the bar? Any reason you can think of as to why he done that? Well, you must have done gone and done somethin'. Looky here, longhair, we don't like your kind 'round these-here parts. Your "girlfriend" says she ain't your "girlfriend" at all - in fact, she goes with the local boy down the road here - says y'all was jest hangin' out. Look at that purty, little innocent face - you goan go and blame this all on a girl? Whut, you ain't a real man? Come on, "rock star," I think you done had enough to drink tonight...

And I don't think I need to go into the whole sex thing. I'm 33-years old and I know damned well when a girl is flirting with me and giving me the "go-ahead" signals. Of course, I can get those signals crossed just like anyone else, but when someone is intentionally sending out mixed signals then playing dumb about it - over and over and over and over and over and over - I know they're full of shit.

I don't give a damn how "great" any guy is, if you want a "safe" friend you can parade around in front of the guys you want just to make them jealous enough to notice you without having him want to take a go at you once in a while, then you need to find a gay friend. Just like you constantly need to be reminded of how pretty you are, men need to be reminded of... no, we just need to get laid from time to time without all the drama and bullshit. If I wanted to date a 19-year old moron, I would. You think I want to be seen all over this 20-mile-wide town with you - be seen hanging out with you on a regular basis - if you aren't going to drop it off once in a while without me having to run a marathon to get you to do so!? I might as well just wear hot-pink, Spandex biker shorts and carry a can of Pussy Repellant! Wear the slowest-selling Axe Bodyspray - Pussy-B-Gone - and get a Lilith Fair bumper-sticker for my car.

Grow the hell up.

Believe it or not, my decision to flame you was not some passive-aggressive attempt to humiliate or defame you - far from it. If you honestly did not know that there are consequences to the insensitive crap you so casually pull on an everyday basis, then you needed a wake-up call. Besides, you were Anonymous in this entire discussion; the only way anyone knows who you are is if you told them, "Look what he wrote about me!"

Hey? You wanted drama.

You're just used to little-boy drama and I'm a grown man, cookie - if I'm gonna put on a show, I'm gonna sell tickets. BOOYAH, girly.

I have a good time hanging out with you and your kids and so forth (for whatever the hell hanging out is supposed to mean), but you're not going to disrespect me and spin my head in circles, then insult my intelligence by playing dumb when you get busted and try to convince me and everyone else that I had it all wrong and you "never" did this and "never" said that. I would love to be your friend, but that isn't how friends treat one another, and now you know how humiliating and painful it can be when someone you thought you could trust backstabs you and flips on you out of the blue. And if you don't like it, then you should think about that the next time an opportunity presents itself before you jump on it and wear it out.

And maybe you should own-up what you have already done and apologize for it once in a while.

As Cartman would say, "You just got pwned."