No Parking - No Sleeping!

7:30 AM, there's a knock on my door. It's the crackhead from next door, and she's angry. Of course, she's so effing ugly and generally mean, not to mention her ugly face is all screwed-up and drawn from incessant crackheadedness, that it's hard to tell; she could have been coming to kill me because she just knew she dropped a rock and it rolled through the wall into my apartment, or she could have been coming to borrow a cigarette.

"Is yo comp'ny gots a black car? That's in my parking space?"

"No. Black car? What black car?"

"The one that be in my parking space!"

"I don't know anyone with a black car, I don't think. No one's here."

Now, I could have gone back to sleep after being so rudely awakened by such a rude asshole, but oh no! She wasn't done: she just had to know who was parked in her space! By 7:45, the entire complex was up, screaming and yelling - because that's how the hillbillies from Decatur County, TN normally talk! - so I got up and walked to the store.

When I got outside, the whole neighborhood - including the maintenance man - had convened to discuss who owns the car in her parking space! The maintenance man goes, "You're up early this morning!"

"No shit. Find out who Knight Rider is with this black car here and tell them to get the f*ck out of her parking space."

Because, you know, it's so much more difficult for her to park in Visitors' Parking ten feet away for an hour or two than disturb the entire neighborhood at the butt-crack of dawn...

So, as soon as I get a potful of coffee and a pack of cigarettes in me, I'll get to work... still a little sore over the whole thing, though. I finally got a couple hours' sleep, but I'm still groggy.

© C Harris Lynn, 2008