Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Mary Kate Wants Immunity for Discussing Ledger's Death

Mary Kate Olsen (the pretty one) demands immunity before she will discuss any details or share any information she has on Heath Ledger's death by drug overdose with the DEA.

Olsen was the first person contacted by the masseuse who discovered Ledger's body in January of this year. The DEA wishes to discuss with her how and where Heath Ledger obtained two powerful painkillers which contributed to his death. Her lawyer says she does not know the source of the drugs. The DEA says her lawyer has denied them access to the actress twice already.

While negotiations are underway, the DEA has intimated they do have a subpoena which can be issued for Mary Kate Olsen's "cooperation." Officials added all other witnesses answered questions voluntarily.

At issue is the fact that Ledger's death was due to prescription painkillers hydrocodone and oxycontin, both of which are believed to have been procured through false prescriptions. The masseuse who found Ledger's body spent nine minutes on the phone with Mary Kate Olsen before dialing 911. She then called Olsen back after 911 operators had been alerted. Olsen sent her personal bodyguards to the apartment.

The question isn't what Mary Kate Olsen is hiding, but where (she weighs $1 and some change, soaking wet). The Rundown suggests full body cavity searches to be recorded and distributed via all major social networking sites (where they are bound to end up, anyway) so that casual observers and armchair investigators have a chance to help spot anything investigators might miss. Search slowly and thoroughly. Very slowly, extremely thoroughly. Very nakedly.

© C Harris Lynn, 2008

1 comment:

Manodogs said...

According to a DEAgent speaking anonymously to the British press, the case has been dropped because there is no viable "target." The case may be reopened, if a crime is found to have been committed.