Responds to Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt has become the de facto icon for Geekdom since "Geek Culture" became mainstream, and for good reason. Patton Oswalt is truly "One of Us" (gabba gabba hey!). In the current issue of Wired, Oswalt pens a satirical jab at both the culture and his place in it... and self-proclaimed "geeks" across the Web took up arms to "defend" themselves and their "right" to their "opinions" or... whatever.

Well, all humor aside, Patton Oswalt is 100% right!

I grew-up reading comic books, playing tabletop roleplaying games, going to conventions, and participating in what is now called "Geek Culture," so that absolutely does make me something of an authority on the subject as a whole -- not necessarily an "expert" (there are many more knowledgeable people), but I do know what I'm talking about. I never enjoyed Star Trek, haven't given a shit about Star Wars since I was about 10-years-old, and do not generally play video games (they're a colossal waste of time), but make absolutely no mistake about it: I am one of the premiere members of the Nerd Polloi and have been literally since I was a child.

My IQ is literally off the charts and always was, so I started reading at a very early age -- when I was about three, to be exact. I started kindergarten when I was four and was twice given the opportunity to skip grades (which I didn't because I was a child who broke-down at the thought of "leaving" my "friends" -- in retrospect, I would have been better-off). We can argue nature vs. nurture, but whatever the matter, I developed differently than my peers and this naturally made it hard for me to get along with them as a whole. I had plenty of friends and such, but they were kept close and personal, and this made me "gay." Furthermore, my predilection for reading, scholastics, and Art in general (over athletics) reinforced the perception of all these negative stereotypes.

I gravitated toward what is now referred to as "Geek Culture" to escape this persecution and abuse almost as much as I did for the companionship of those who enjoyed the same things I did. Only to learn that many within the very subculture were as angry, antisocial, and convinced of their superiority as the assholes from whom I was trying to escape.

See, it was very acceptable to abuse people like me and, over time, even I accepted that. And even though I detested the endless Kirk vs. Picard "debates" and the constant smell of unwashed fat under facepaint, I knew that these were -- for better or worse -- "my people." But, over time, our subculture began attracting just generally disaffected personalities -- people who did not fit-in elsewhere because they really were just assholes. Our subculture became the public pool at which unwanted kids were dropped-off and left to their own devices, which was usually intellectual bullying.

Again, we can argue that they were antisocial by nature, or that they became antisocial because they suffered the same persecution and abuse I did (nurture/environment), but the truth lay somewhere between: Some were/are just born assholes, others became antisocial defensively, and for others, it was a little of both. In retrospect, and for what it's worth, I believe I was of the latter camp.

When I was growing-up, tabletop RPG was considered satanic, comic books were not considered "literature," and heavy metal was... also considered satanic. I was bullied, singled-out to be made an example of by authority figures, beaten, castigated... some of the stories I could tell you would leave you traumatized -- but don't fool yourself: They could never traumatize you the way they did me. See, they aren't just stories to me; they are my reality.

You can't download back issues and claim to be a comic book person; you have to go to conventions and comics shops and pore through boxes to find them -- and put-up with some balding, fat asshole overcharging the shit out of you. Playing World of Warcraft or seeing the Lord of the Rings movies makes you no more an expert on fantasy literature or legend than enjoying slasher flicks makes me a murderer. The problem is that we Nerd Polloi are expected to accept you and, if we do not, we are accused of being "exclusive" and so on and so forth.

I got news for you, kids: We always were.

You don't have to suffer the indignities of enjoying nerdly pursuits to be considered a "True Geek," but you do have to kind of... you know, read the books and shit. You do have to kind of live the life, not read-up on it or download it. You don't have to prove it to me for me to give you a chance, but when you pop-off at the mouth about how much you love Star Wars and try to convince me that I should too, or how 4E is a better system, et.al., you should know that I am going to eat everything in your little Dragonball-Z lunchbox. I grew-up hearing that shit from people who know far more about it than you ever will and they couldn't change my mind.

I have a callous on my finger from holding a pencil, both to draw and write. I have callouses on my hands from wielding drumsticks. I have a cyst on my wrist from holding a mouse and a collapsed vertebrae from sitting on my ass -- behind a monitor, behind a trapkit, behind a drafting table. You might, maybe, have "Nintendo Thumb" and yet you probably don't even know what "Nintendo Thumb" means. I run a blog on comics and pop-culture/entertainment and a website dedicated to tabletop roleplaying games you've never heard of, and none of it is done "ironically" nor in some misguided attempt to be obscure; these are things I love and always have and I want to share that interest in, and love for, these things.

So, yeah: It makes me a little hot when tourists come crashing into my town, especially when they want to change everything about it and tell me how it should be run. It makes me even angrier when their defense is along the lines of, "Let it go," and "What's your problem?" And it makes me want to eat babies alive when pretenders to the throne sell it all out from beneath me.

But, come on. Is there really any other way to eat babies?

I encourage people to participate in Geekdom -- that's literally why I spend so much time on this blog and The Weirding. And it's all free! If I were to tell you how much I have contributed to Geekdom, you wouldn't believe me. If I were to tell you how little credit and payment I've received for these contributions, you would think me a fool. However, I am constantly criticized for taking-on advertisers and just as frequently challenged for voicing my "opinion." But, this is Geekdom -- not liking videogames or comic book movies or anything along those lines -- not the bullshit, mainstream, "I own the backpack, so I'm in!" concept of "Geek Culture." We are, and always have been, a rather surly and very exclusive lot.

You want the reality of "Geek Culture," show-up to a con on Sunday: That smell is active Geek "culture."

I see most of the current crop of "fans" as little more than tourists, because that's what they are. And part of my self-appointed "job" is to act as a guide, and I'm (usually) happy to do so. I love these things and enjoy sharing that with others, but hardcore nerds have never been an appreciative group. That is one of the primary reasons I drifted away from the "scene." And that's where established Geekdom and the new crop of tourists intersect: They all have strong, and largely uninformed, opinions on... well, everything.

It's great that there has been a surge in the "geek" market(s), but just owning a computer or smartphone doesn't make you an actual authority on anything. That you love World of Warcraft is awesome and I fully support your love of it, but you are not going to "win" an argument with me regarding Dungeons & Dragons (for example), despite the fact that you may have played it or -- as Oswalt so specifically and correctly points-out -- read-up on it.

One of Oswalt's assertions has been one of mine for years: What the current, mainstream "geek" markets are getting is literally watered-down from the keystones of the subculture. That is how "mainstream" everything works -- that is the very definition of the term; it has to have mass appeal for it to be considered mainstream. For that to happen, the edges have to be carefully trimmed and child-proofed, and big companies painstakingly research and cannibalize what has come before in order to achieve this. So, while D&D 4E may be similar to "real" Dungeons & Dragons, it is not actual Dungeons & Dragons; it has been watered-down to appeal to more people, to be mainstream. It is far more akin to World of Warcraft and MMORPG, in general -- and there's nothing wrong with that, with it being its own product with its own appeal -- but it is not, nor will it ever be, comparable to the actual tabletop RPG I play.

And if you ever get the chance to play it with me, you'll understand this. That's what I'm saying: You have to do it to be it; you have to experience it firsthand to know.

Add to this the fact that the current generation, and really the last several generations, have been raised to believe that anything they "think" or "believe" is valid and anything they want is deserved, and you might (hopefully) start to understand that, from where I (and some others) stand, current "geek culture" accentuates only the worst and most general aspects of the actual subculture.

Having said all of that, make no mistake about it: One of these very keystones is opinion. I grew-up amidst endless arguments as to which Star Trek captain was best, in which comic book issue this or that actually occurred, why a 3-18 system is more mathematically stable/correct than a percentile-based system, ad infinitum. In some of these instances, there is no "right" answer; in others, there is a very definite, very clear, very right, answer.

When there is a clear answer -- a fact -- then your opinion means fuck-all. Period. That isn't "self-righteousness," nor a "need to be right/superior;" that's The Way Things Are and I don't care what you "think" or "believe."

The best I can do is try to point these tourists in the right direction. Watchmen is not the best work in the comics medium; Elektra: Assassin is. This is not my "opinion;" I can deconstruct both works -- because I know how, I know the criteria -- and prove my case. And I can show you how to do the same. The problem is that our current climate is one of "everybody is special, everyone's opinion is valid, and no one is wrong." Except... you know, that's not reality and the current climate -- and mainstream society -- holds that facts and reality are secondary to "feelings" and "opinions" and "beliefs."

They are not and you should not fool yourself about this.

There is a silver-lining (a few of them, actually) and that's that this too shall pass -- Geek Culture being mainstream, I mean. Nerdery is as much counterculture as subculture and always has been. We do not like watered-down product and we know how to spot it and, over time, our antisocial tendencies will assert themselves and all these WoW-playing, J-pop-listening-to poseurs will see what ugly, hateful, exclusive people we are. And they'll go back to watching football, listening to rap, and date-raping -- or whatever it is they do.

And we'll get some really good work from this process. We True Nerds will rebel, as we are wont to do (it is our nature), the way we always have: We will go deeper, further; we will immerse ourselves in the fundamentals of the subculture, which are far too involved and "obscure" for tourists.

Some of them will follow, and this is also great, and the subculture will once again, as Patton Oswalt suggests, go back underground -- revert to the subculture it always was. And, best of all, it won't be as denigrated as it was before.

This is all good in its own way. After all, mainstream society is finally starting to realize that most of our interests are merely interesting to nerds like us, not necessarily antisocial, Satanic, or otherwise negative or harmful. Now we just have to remind them that playing videogames and/or liking Star Wars doesn't automatically qualify them as "geeks."

© C Harris Lynn, 2011