So we're at this convention one year, right? And there's this guy dressed up like Lobo.
Wait, let me back up:
For those of you what aren't sure, only some people show up at the con already dressed-up. I'm certainly not knocking those cats, mind you, I'm just saying. By the second day, they truly regret it and they smell... a lot. Real bad. Real, real bad. Like cheap costume make-up and sweat -- the funk of a thousand nerds, unleashed! Like KISS' bus.
But I digress... there's generally a costume contest at some point during the convention and that's when everyone who intends to stay for the entire con dresses up. Even we nerds have schedules.
So, we went to this con one year and this guy was dressed up like Lobo (on the right day, mind you), and we thought it was great! This was like, MAYBE a year since Lobo had hit the market, so we thought he was "one of us," and we were busting his balls every chance we got.
Now, had we been a little older, we might have gotten the subtle hints that I'm sure were there, but we didn't realize the guy had never actually read Lobo. Everytime we saw him, we were all like, "Hey! Ya fraggin bastich!" and "Don't stuff on me, Fanboy!" You know, shit like that.
And the guy was kind of a butthole about it. He started walking out of the room when he saw us and kind of sneering through his KISS-facepaint set make-up and shit, right? So, of course, that only made us redouble our efforts.
It never occurred to us that this cat was like 40+ and he had never read even one issue of Lobo until...
We're passing him on the last night (well, Saturday night -- we were going to sleep through whatever con-folk do on Sunday... I'm 32 and the only thing I can think of is awards and... well, I'm not here to claim any awards, should any be coming my way, and I still don't know what happens at cons on Sundays, so...), and we were all like, "Hey, ya bastich! Where ya been, ya frakkin Fanboy?" And he grabs me by the arm (because I was closest to him), and he goes, "You know, that's not very nice."
And I about pulled my effin' nine, y'all.
I was all like, "What the living MOTHERF@CK?! HUH?! Those are like Lobo's effing TAGLINES, you dumb, fragging jerk-off! DID YOU BOTHER TO READ THE COVER OR WERE YOU JUST PICKING IT UP BECAUSE WIZARD SAID IT WAS HOT, FANBOY?!"
So, the guy's completely shocked and really mad at me, but even my friend is all like, "Wow, why would you dress up like a comic book character you don't even know about?" And he's all like sniffing something from a plastic bottle and going, "Lobo was featured in Justice League #17###, and he is the ruler of a world where mercenaries..." And we're all like, "DIE, FANBOY!"
He had NO idea who Keith Giffen was, he had NO idea what the hell we were talking about, he had NO idea that Lobo even had his own title! We were stunned. STUNNED. AMAZED!
It was baffling! BAFFLING!
As was he...
I found out about two weeks ago that Wolverine is now a "professor" at The Xavier School for Mutants (or whatever it's called nowadays). I recoiled in terror! Not just that, but the virtual girl who told me that was all gushy and, "He's so dreamy, I'd love to go to that school, because I'd love for Wolverine to be my teacher" and stuff. And I think she's like 19. Hope. Hope she's like 19.
But I understand how these things happen, because of that Lobo Con.
So I politely typed back, "Really? So Wolvie's a professor now? That ol' Logan! Ol Logan-san! Heh. You know he's like 5'4 and 60, right? He's like hip-level to me and twice my age -- hell, we haven't even figured-in the slow collapsing of his vertebrae! Prolly about the size of Estelle Getty by now, I would think. Were it not for his unbreakable skeleton, I'd totally BEAT THAT CANUCK TO THE FLOOR, LITTLE MISS CHICKY! You know he's a murderer, right? Did you know that? He killed the living SHIT out of his fiancee -- yeah he did. DID YOU KNOW THAT? HUH?! DID YOU EVEN KNOW THAT?! I can show you panels where he literally kills literally flocks o women. How's Dazzler, huh?"
Ahem.
Well, I'm sure she just hasn't written back because she... because her Internet is down or something.
Long story short, don't dress up like a character you don't know.
Anymore...
A rambling melange of pop-culture.
7 comments:
Who was this post written by??
Manny's evil twin?
Love this post! IT's frackin hilarious. and I agree - don't ever
dress up like someone you know
frack-all about.
Nuh-uh!!! Wolverine is like 6'2" and has that cute, cute, cute messy hair like he just got out of bed. *SIGH* And according to IMDB and his upcoming movie "Wolverine", he didn't kill anybody except really bad guys. Sabertooth killed his girl. And Imdb knows, like, everything! SO THERE!!
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AHEM! Sorry. My inner stupid b*tch just took over. She thinks that Huge Jack*** (censored for young ears) is cute. I think he could use an acting lesson or two.
Heh. I've had a head cold and I was trying to be funny. I'm glad some of it came through.
I'll never forget that, though. The guy seemed really hurt and we weren't being mean to him at all! But once we figured out he'd never read the new Lobo series, it was just too, TOO ironic!
He was right, now. Lobo originally appeared in Justice League or Supes or somewhere like that and we weren't familiar with that incarnation of him. But that's why I don't talk much about the comics characters I grew up with that are still in print (like Wolvie), because I know they've changed so much. I don't want to end up in an argument with some kid like I was and then find out that we were both right and I was wrong.
HAHAHA!
Yup, see?
No, Wolvie is maybe 5' tall and was older than sand when he first tried to beat-up Hulk!
I actually don't recall now who killed Marika or whatever her name is, but it wasn't Sabretooth. She got whacked and became Lady Deathstrike for a while and I stopped collecting at #300 (and there are huge wholes in my run long before that) and had quit reading long before that.
That's the thing with comics... by now, they've likely changed all the history and it's different from that shown in the movies, which is different from the history in the TV series, etc., etc.
I'll be the first to admit I don't know much about comics other than three things: 1) I worship at the altar of Alan Moore, 2) There are some Hellraiser comics I want to see someday, and 3) my hubby collected Elfquest, which pretty much makes him King of the Dorks.
But I will say that no matter what the original source material was, Hollywood manages to screw it up every time. Comics, books, and video games are all poorly adapted onto the silver screen.
HaHA!
One of the drafted posts is about Alan Moore actually! It even compares/contrasts him to/with Sim, which is what made me go back and write the Sim piece (which I felt was stronger). I just haven't finished it yet. Moore did Watchmen, so I'm surprised you didn't contribute to the brief exchange we had on that a while back.
The Pinis (ElfQuest) surpass all other independents in pretty much all ways. Story, art, success -- you name it! In fact, I've argued that they've been going longer than Sim because, in fact, they have; they're still producing ElfQuest TPBs, last I heard, and that was just a few years back (well, maybe a few years by now -- but no more than 5 or 6). In fact, Deni (Sim's former wife) wrote about how cool they were and how the four got-on so well after meeting in one of the "Letters" columns I was reading just the other night. But technically, since the series has started and stopped so often, as well as jumped around so much, you can't really comparatively say that.
At any rate, you aren't missing anything as far as Hellraiser goes. None of Barkers' works have ever been translated into sequential art form successfully -- even the Epic line he created heaved. And stay as far away from Tapping the Vein as you possibly can!!! That was such a farce, I cringe everytime I come across those in my collection...
Like I said, I know nothing about comics. My Moore love comes from his spoken word albums. "Moon and Serpent Grand Egyptian Theatre of Marvels" is one of those works that you listen to and afterwards feel like you are on the other end of The Great Universal Beer Funnel. Something just breaks in your mind, in a very good way. He has a deep hypnotic English voice, and he's a master showman.
I figured the Hellraiser ones sucked. But I sat through Hellraiser: Hellseeker, so I'm not afraid. For that matter I *liked* Bloodline. I know that I'm condemning myself by admitting to it, but there it is.
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