Just a day after a troubled 14-year old from Cleveland, Ohio, shot 4 classmates then committed suicide, another teen has been charged with a litany of crimes for stockpiling weaponry in his home and allegedly trying to recruit help in a planned school attack. Further, his mother has been charged with several felonies because she is accused of having purchased the weapons for him.
In both cases, the children were bullied and socially outcast by classmates.
We have discussed this here many times before and it is an issue I hold very dear because I was bullied in school throughout most of my childhood. It was a primary reason I had so many emotional issues as an adolescent - many of which have persisted well into adulthood - and even led to my considering dropping-out many times... not to mention my considering worse things.
That I made it through was in no way, shape, form, or fashion due to anything any school official or other authority figure ever did; they, in point of fact, did absolutely nothing to curb this antisocial behavior by my classmates. The only form of "control" any such authority figure ever offered was along the lines of, "nobody said life was fair," "you got to learn to stand-up for yourself," and so forth. The bullying lessened in highschool only because most of the bullies were butt-stupid Neanderthals who flunked-out or simply dropped-out, but that didn't change the years of suffering, oppression, fear, and abuse I had already suffered and did not cure the trauma I had endured.
Now, for those of you who think I am bitching and moaning about something that happened years ago and I need to "just get over it," "move on," "let it go," or anything else along those lines, you can just STFU. While I have moved-on from these experiences, it is impossible to completely forget the violence and terrorism I faced - especially when confronted by similar behavior now. Bullying is a form of abuse like any other and it leaves its lifelong mark on your emotional, psychological, and (sometimes) physical make-up.
I have a physical condition which is the direct result of an attack I suffered as a young boy at the hands of another guy who was several grades ahead of me and was known to bully me (and some others). I suffer from complications due to this injury to this very day and will likely suffer from it for the rest of my life.
This is not to say that I endorse or approve of the actions of these victims - I do not. However, I vividly remember the overwhelming feelings of anger, rage, frustration, and impotence which accompanied the physical, psychological, and emotional torture I suffered - I can't "let them go" even if I wanted to because they happen to me even today when I feel threatened or go into "panic mode." In effect, school administrators, parents, and all other authority figures became bullies by proxy for their laissez-faire attitude toward the abuse I was suffering: their resistance to do anything to stop it and to turn the whole thing around on me by suggesting I "must have done something to deserve it" and I needed to learn to stick up for myself and so on literally came across to me as their approval of the bullies' actions. In my mind, they were condoning the bullies' actions as a way of teaching me a lesson that "life is not fair."
And, in all actuality, that truly is what they were doing.
And just so you know, "standing up" to a bully does not make them stop - it usually makes it worse! The idea that "you just have to stand up to them one good time and they'll leave you alone" is a complete fallacy and anyone who truly believes such a statement is a fool. For the most part, people who are bullied are easy targets physically, and after they suffer such abuse over an extended period of time and no one intervenes to stop it - in fact, they turn it around and blame the victim! - their spirits are broken and they lack the emotional and psychological foundation it takes to steel themselves and resolve to face their bullies. Again, not that it makes much difference when they do.
Bullying is abuse and it carries all of the hallmarks and effects of any, and all, other kinds of abuse; there is no need to separate bullying from any other type of abuse. And authority figures who insist that these victims "overreacted" or wish to punish them for taking the law into their own hands need to be punished themselves; if they had stepped-in when the abuse started and handled it appropriately - like they are supposed to do - these things would not have escalated to the point they did.
By not acting in an appropriate and timely manner - by not doing their damned jobs, not living up to their responsibilities as parents, school authorities, police, and other figures of/in power - they exacerbate the whole thing and are accessories. The victims become depressed, bitter, angry, and desperate; they get to a point where they no longer fear authority or the consequences of their own actions because the authorities are not holding the bullies responsible and the victims would just as soon die as put up with that shit any longer!
What happens in the victims' minds is very simple - and even logical: "no one else is going to stop this and if I put an end to it, they are going to punish me for standing up for myself, so I may as well go for broke."
They are kids, for God's sake! Their emotional and psychological make-up is not fully-formed and they are extremely impressionable. Add to this the effects of their being bullied and their pleas for help being ignored or even mocked by authorities, and you have a sure-fire recipe for anger and a desire for vengeance. And regardless of how bad it is, it is understandable.
I applaud the mother's efforts in recognizing that her son had a right and a need to protect himself, though of course I disagree with her decision to arm him with ranged weaponry! She obviously has some anger issues of her own. The very fact that this young victim is being charged with anything, and that the abused victim in the earlier attack is being portrayed as the sole "Evil" in that incident, proves that the system is still unwilling to take responsibility for its failure and the failure of those who are supposed to uphold it.
Nothing will change until the system, the media, and the Powers That Be quit blaming the victims and start accepting responsibility for their own (in-)actions. And do something about it.
In both cases, the children were bullied and socially outcast by classmates.
We have discussed this here many times before and it is an issue I hold very dear because I was bullied in school throughout most of my childhood. It was a primary reason I had so many emotional issues as an adolescent - many of which have persisted well into adulthood - and even led to my considering dropping-out many times... not to mention my considering worse things.
That I made it through was in no way, shape, form, or fashion due to anything any school official or other authority figure ever did; they, in point of fact, did absolutely nothing to curb this antisocial behavior by my classmates. The only form of "control" any such authority figure ever offered was along the lines of, "nobody said life was fair," "you got to learn to stand-up for yourself," and so forth. The bullying lessened in highschool only because most of the bullies were butt-stupid Neanderthals who flunked-out or simply dropped-out, but that didn't change the years of suffering, oppression, fear, and abuse I had already suffered and did not cure the trauma I had endured.
Now, for those of you who think I am bitching and moaning about something that happened years ago and I need to "just get over it," "move on," "let it go," or anything else along those lines, you can just STFU. While I have moved-on from these experiences, it is impossible to completely forget the violence and terrorism I faced - especially when confronted by similar behavior now. Bullying is a form of abuse like any other and it leaves its lifelong mark on your emotional, psychological, and (sometimes) physical make-up.
I have a physical condition which is the direct result of an attack I suffered as a young boy at the hands of another guy who was several grades ahead of me and was known to bully me (and some others). I suffer from complications due to this injury to this very day and will likely suffer from it for the rest of my life.
This is not to say that I endorse or approve of the actions of these victims - I do not. However, I vividly remember the overwhelming feelings of anger, rage, frustration, and impotence which accompanied the physical, psychological, and emotional torture I suffered - I can't "let them go" even if I wanted to because they happen to me even today when I feel threatened or go into "panic mode." In effect, school administrators, parents, and all other authority figures became bullies by proxy for their laissez-faire attitude toward the abuse I was suffering: their resistance to do anything to stop it and to turn the whole thing around on me by suggesting I "must have done something to deserve it" and I needed to learn to stick up for myself and so on literally came across to me as their approval of the bullies' actions. In my mind, they were condoning the bullies' actions as a way of teaching me a lesson that "life is not fair."
And, in all actuality, that truly is what they were doing.
And just so you know, "standing up" to a bully does not make them stop - it usually makes it worse! The idea that "you just have to stand up to them one good time and they'll leave you alone" is a complete fallacy and anyone who truly believes such a statement is a fool. For the most part, people who are bullied are easy targets physically, and after they suffer such abuse over an extended period of time and no one intervenes to stop it - in fact, they turn it around and blame the victim! - their spirits are broken and they lack the emotional and psychological foundation it takes to steel themselves and resolve to face their bullies. Again, not that it makes much difference when they do.
Bullying is abuse and it carries all of the hallmarks and effects of any, and all, other kinds of abuse; there is no need to separate bullying from any other type of abuse. And authority figures who insist that these victims "overreacted" or wish to punish them for taking the law into their own hands need to be punished themselves; if they had stepped-in when the abuse started and handled it appropriately - like they are supposed to do - these things would not have escalated to the point they did.
By not acting in an appropriate and timely manner - by not doing their damned jobs, not living up to their responsibilities as parents, school authorities, police, and other figures of/in power - they exacerbate the whole thing and are accessories. The victims become depressed, bitter, angry, and desperate; they get to a point where they no longer fear authority or the consequences of their own actions because the authorities are not holding the bullies responsible and the victims would just as soon die as put up with that shit any longer!
What happens in the victims' minds is very simple - and even logical: "no one else is going to stop this and if I put an end to it, they are going to punish me for standing up for myself, so I may as well go for broke."
They are kids, for God's sake! Their emotional and psychological make-up is not fully-formed and they are extremely impressionable. Add to this the effects of their being bullied and their pleas for help being ignored or even mocked by authorities, and you have a sure-fire recipe for anger and a desire for vengeance. And regardless of how bad it is, it is understandable.
I applaud the mother's efforts in recognizing that her son had a right and a need to protect himself, though of course I disagree with her decision to arm him with ranged weaponry! She obviously has some anger issues of her own. The very fact that this young victim is being charged with anything, and that the abused victim in the earlier attack is being portrayed as the sole "Evil" in that incident, proves that the system is still unwilling to take responsibility for its failure and the failure of those who are supposed to uphold it.
Nothing will change until the system, the media, and the Powers That Be quit blaming the victims and start accepting responsibility for their own (in-)actions. And do something about it.
2 comments:
Hello! Interesting post on bullying. I have just started a brand new project aimed at inspiring children and teenagers who are experiencing bullying. I want to collect stories from people who have survived bullying, as well as any tips or inspirational ideas that they might have for kids who are currently going through a bullying experience. My blog is at: http://survivingbullying.blogspot.com
Thanks for your time.
Great idea, Rebecca! Good luck with your blog and hopefully others will find it and contribute to your good cause!
Post a Comment