Supreme Court Set to Rule on FCC Censorship

The Supreme Court is set to rule on whether or not the FCC is allowed to censor TV broadcasts and fine broadcasters, when they deem it necessary, to ensure further censorship.

The particular incident in question is a 2003 Golden Globes speech given by U2's Bono, in which he called the win "fucking brilliant." The Dreaded EFF-WORD is probably the most taboo of all words in the American vernacular and the FCC deemed the expletive "sexual in nature."

Historically, the word is an acronym for a taxable decree husbands had to receive from the King's Court in England in order to have marital relations with their wives; Fornication Under Consent of the King was abbreviated to the now-infamous slang-word which entered all of the English language as a No-Word.

Of course, the manner in which Bono used it is in no way sexual. Not being from America, Bono used a fairly staid phrase uttered by many from the UK when they consider something good, pleasant, or - in this case - particularly wonderful. While Bono is not British by birth, it is interesting that an Irishman muttering British slang should be the focus of a debate regarding the First Amendment in the Constitution of the United States of America.

In British terms, "brilliant" means the same as the American "awesome" or "cool," while "fucking" refers to a gentle nudge a properly-attired gentleman might give a lass at certain times, should she be so inclined as to allow him - usually sometime after tea, but before darkness falls. I am led to believe that even the British consider this action quite physically pleasant.

However, the manner in which Bono employed it is in common-use throughout the entirety of the English-speaking world as a modifier, which qualifies the object or action it is describing. Employed as either an adjective or adverb, "fucking" is neither an act nor an action in this form, and so connotes no sexual act, relation, or concept - much as I'm led to believe the British practice of the action is handled. It is generally used to imbue a superlative form of the word or phrase to which it is connected - as in, "This is fucking awesome!" which means it is better than the normal "awesome." For contrast, in some areas of America, this is one step below the supreme state of "wicked awesome," or "hellacool."

Further, the word "fucking" can even be used to modify the actual act of intercourse, as in, "I'm fucking fucking!" - a phrase not uncommon for first-timers - or "Fucking fucking hurts!" - again, also most often related to first-time experimentation with the practice. In the latter phrase, the word is used as an adverb, modifying the word, "hurts," while the first example shows the usage of the word as an adjective. In neither case does the modifier directly suggest sex or any sexual act, even though it is used in sentences which refer to sex.

Bono's use of the word, "fucking" is a completely non-sexual modifier for the noun, "brilliant," meant to convey the superlative form of the state of being "brilliant," or majestic in nature. To imbue the word with any sexual weight or connotation would render the phrase completely nonsensical, as in, "having sex brilliant!" or "sodomorifically and fellationally majestic!"

However, the FCC considers the matter as per the "implied 'I'" form of grammar - as in "[I am] fucking brilliant." Of course, this is semantics, so let us play along:

For the FCC to have a case, Bono's broken English would have to imply that he was literally "fucking brilliant." However, most of those of we uneducated mow-rons what done make-up the US took the phrase to mean that he wanted to convey how "fucking awesome" the experience of receiving the award was - as in "[This {moment/win} is] fucking brilliant," or "[Receiving this award is] fucking brilliant."

In either case, for the word to be the verb of the sentence - as would be the case in an "implied I" situation - Bono would have had to both literally and at that present moment be inserting his penis into the vagina of the state of being brilliant ("I am [presently sticking my penis into] brilliant['s vagina]") or the state of winning the award was, at that very moment, literally doing the same ("Winning this award [is literally sticking its penis into] brilliant['s vagina]"). The only other possibility is if the awards show itself were, both literally and presently, sticking its penis into the vagina of the state of brilliance - or Brilliant is actually someone's name.

Further, if "fucking" were the verb in the statement, then we would be able to conjugate it and have it make sense: before the awards show, Bono would have referred to the possibility of winning as "fuck brilliant" (as in, "[I am going to] fuck brilliant"); following the awards show, it would have been appropriate for Bono to note that the experience was "fucked brilliant" ("[I] fucked brilliant"); only when we come to the past-perfect tense does it begin to make sense ("[I was] fucking brilliant"). Thus, for the FCC's case to be viable, the burden of proof would be on them to prove that Bono is, in fact, prescient: he knew that he was going to be having sex with brilliance before he got onstage, and he was referring to it, at that moment, as though it had already happened. Which would make Bono not only an obscene psychic, but a pompous one, as well.

If none of these conditions are met, then Bono's broken English can only mean that he thought winning that award was, at that moment, "fucking brilliant," or he thinks of himself as "fucking brilliant" - either way, the word, "fucking," is not the verb of the sentence; the state of being, however conjugated, is the verb (is, was, be).

To put this another way, consider the following sentences:

"The FCC are a bunch of fucking pinheads."

"The FCC are a bunch of cocksucking pinheads."

For more information on the English language, specifically in the written form, please check out Weird Ink.

© C Harris Lynn, 2008