Sunday, October 31, 2010

On Every Don Dohler Movie, EVAR (Except Blood Massacre) - A Review

After sitting through a Halloween Don Dohler-a-thon of six movies, including The Alien Factor, The Alien Factor II, and Nightbeast -- all of which are the same movie, with the same cast and characters -- I decided to review basically every Don Dohler film, EVAR, in one fell swoop:

They are the same movie. And that movie sucks.

Okay, seriously, here goes:

A spacecraft from nowhere lands close to a bunch of rednecks. Said rednecks include a female sheriff, a male sheriff with a mustache, and Deputy Petey, as well as Mayor Mike, a girl named Mary Jane, and "Steve," who fulfills various professional roles according to the title of the movie. But it's the same movie.

The alien is impervious to bullets, so the rednecks continue pelting it with bullets, which do no good, because the alien is impervious to bullets. Cars park and people walk down stairs. Later, cars park. Most of the people die, but it's okay, because they return as the same characters in the next movie(s). Because it's the same movie.

Rednecks run through the woods and Dohler films every, fucking step. Eventually, they find a car, which they promptly park next to a flight of stairs they promptly descend. Ad infinitum. "Padding" doesn't even begin to cover Don Dohler's directorial approach, but his approach to storytelling is pretty straightforward: It's the same movie!

Were you to take all of Don Dohler's movies and edit them together, it wouldn't be a mash-up; it would be a proper editing. An alien would land, and over the course of 20 years or so, the same actors playing the same characters would run through woods, park cars, descend stairs for 20 minutes, then die.

Because it's the same movie! Except Blood Massacre... wait.

© C Harris Lynn, 2010

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Unknown said...

But what about the characters' deep angst and pathos with which they park cars and descend stairs? Mr. Dohler must have really dug deep to bring that out of the actors; and multiple times too.

Manodogs said...

I do have to wonder how much of Dohler's characterization came directly from his word processor / typewriter and how much from the actors themselves.

I mean, I could totally see one of the actors saying, "I think my character would lead with his left leg." And really, who would know better than them? They played the same characters for like 20 years!