Where Were You When...

It has become clichéd amongst those of our parents' generation to ask the time-honored question, "Do you remember where you were or what you were doing when you found out President Kennedy was shot?" In our lifetimes, it will probably become just as clichéd to ask that of the 9-11 bombings.

But let's be honest, the real question is: "Where were you when Paris Hilton was released from jail?"

It was literally just past 2:01 AM (CST) here and I had taken off my clothes and gotten into bed. I turned on Larry King Live to see who was on there and Harvey Levin was guest-hosting (repeat from earlier in the evening).

Suddenly, a voice interrupted and the picture skewed. I was looking at a glass door, past a throng of people. Paris was being released.

I flipped through the news channels and they were all covering The Glass Door.

At 2:17 AM, a waif-like Paris coyly made her way down the roped-off, makeshift runway and eventually broke into a modest trot to her parents' black Escalade, where she was embraced. Within moments, she disappeared into the vehicle and was whisked away.

At 2:17 AM (CST), America died a little.

But just a little.

GET OFF THE STREETS, YOU BROKE BITCHES!