Remorse

This is a heavy one - especially for so early on a Sunday morning - but it kept me awake for at least a little while last night and it's done it before, so I want to get it out of the way.

I was pretty shocked when I read about the stabbing death of an 18-year old actor from the new Harry Potter movie yesterday. But, I was also excited. I know - this is what kept me up about it.

Hits have been way down the past few days and I have no idea why. A lot of what I've had to offer has been company press releases/announcements and I'm at least 2-3 days behind on those, so I assume people had likely already read them elsewhere. And, of course, it's a holiday weekend, and a lot of people are busy with that.

So, when I read about this terrible incident, I was honestly shocked and remorseful - at first - then excited, because I thought, "Finally! Everyone else is gone, so I've got some real news to bring them and I'll be the only one to have it!" I said I wasn't proud.

In fact, the moment I thought it, I was so repulsed by my own opportunism and callousness that I started not to post it at all. Thus the conundrum: I was not, at all, excited that someone had died - I was actually shocked and remorseful over that - but I was excited that something newsworthy had happened that was likely to bring some more visitors. So, it isn't like I did anything wrong - not to mention it's basically my job to report things like this - but I felt so bad about being excited over the development that I almost didn't make the post! And after I did, I still lie awake for an hour or so, beating myself up over the very natural excitement I felt at having something I knew would attract readers.

And while I reconciled this intellectually, I was still emotionally upset over the whole thing. It was very similar to when Heath Ledger died: the moment I heard the news, I was shocked and had to know more. But, moments after I'd gotten the story, I was excited to report the news here. And, just like yesterday, I was kind of repulsed by that ambulance-chasing excitement.

Except that, this is entertainment news. Moreover, this is entertainment news dealing specifically with the type of fare to which The Rundown is dedicated. So I know that this is the type of news you expect me to report, just as I expect certain blogs to report on certain news stories - so much so, in fact, that they are the first place I go to read about such developments when they happen!

And I just wanted to write this out because... well, maybe just to crystallize these feelings and conclusions and get them out there. I know it sounds silly that I thought about this for as long as I did, but it is what it is. In fact, there is a whole list of RIPs I have bookmarked and so forth and simply haven't gotten to because of all my personal stuff this month, but also because I just didn't want to have to read all the maudlin remembrances and condolences written by others on their passing - I just didn't have the emotional endurance to reduce these things down to an obit this month - and I apologize for that.

This is a comic book, pop-culture, entertainment, and Americana blog and death happens - basically to everyone - and people are interested in learning more about certain others' deaths. It doesn't make them particularly morbid, so why should it make me feel bad to be excited that I get to report on it?

Anyway, back to our regularly-scheduled noise.

© C Harris Lynn, 2008